Friday, December 23, 2011

Things that matter!

A point in time...when I am undergoing the most craziest if not the most saddest is not the most horrifying if not the most wonderful  if not the most confusing if not the most toughest time in my entirety...I would like to take some time off not thinking about myself but just to reflect on things around me....

Had I not thought about the essays I had writing during my MBA admit last evening..I would not have been able to write what I am about to write now :-)

1. A 10+ year long friend..really really good friend...A person who I think is one of the best I have know to date. Someone who I admire, adore, envy and am myself with told me "There is nothing wrong in demanding  what you deserve..or for that matter pursuing something better....this is the first time I see you doing this..." -> The guilt that was bothering me for a long time now has at the least subsided hearing her say this to me!

2. A guy who used to talk the least in my Footloose Gang...has been trying to find ways to convince me to do something BIG in life... arguing with me why I should not study further...why I should move out of Baton Rouge..or for that matter how dumb I have become ;-) ....and end of the day he tells me "I never talk or be like this with anyone".... :-)

3. On board in a public bus, have $10 note..need $2 change else I loose the whole $10..and there is this one guy at the end of the bus...I approach him and say "Excuse me do you have change for $10"..and he just opens his bag and gives me a stack of 25 cents worth $10. And he gets down in the next bus that made me wear a smiley face for 10 mins at the least.....

4. Conversing with my aunt for close to 2 hours....sorry I meant Gossiping :-)...forgetting the fact that it is an IST call [ Bro pays the bills though :-P ] and forgetting my present state of mind for those 2 hours....since I felt I was there not here.....well the "Disconnection Sound" of the phone got me back to reality..........nevertheless it was wonderful....

..........and back to reality is I am one screwed up person right now!!!

People who are wondering whats going one will get to know very soon...if only I have the courage........

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Social Exchange Theory (SeXT)..........

I thought I had the most boring class in my MBA this semester...Organizational Behavior! Until I got a C in my mid-terms and from then on I made sure I was INTERESTED in it :-)......

Of all the things I learnt in the class the one that caught my attention was SeXT. The gist of it is :
1. We never do any favors or help someone out of our way without our own "selfish" reasons behind it!
2. A relationship dies over a period of time when only one person in giving and there is no passive if not active response from the other end!

I am surprised that I AGREE to both the above statements!

I have had friends who have helped me so much and I have had friends who tell me I am a GOOD person. But at the end of the day, the reason you are good or bad towards someone might be for some reasoning of your own. I feel I care and help and do things out of my way for people I love, like and care for. Or at times do it since I feel happy about it. So its all about ME!!

And coming to the latter point, there is always some expectation from a relationship. If that is not met or failed continuously it would eventually die. Again it is about ME and MY expectations! I want to be happy and once you see that might not hold good in the long run I would try to opt out of it. I used to feel that it is an incorrect choice to be made, but having experienced it....I feel its better to opt out and be neutral than continue and be unhappy!

However this is NO  RULE!! There are always exceptions such as :

1. Transformational leaders might not have had a selfish incentive in the beginning or the incentive might have died in the long run!
2. Love & Care of your parents towards you is in no way effected by how much you love them.

Well from the looks of it SeXT  exists and is real for ME!

Thinking Hard,

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Done with 3rd Sem....One More to Go!!!!

Yo Yo!!! I have successfully completed my 3rd semester roller coaster ride!!!! And I  am :-) & :-( about it at the same time!!!!
I remember, a few days after the initial excitement of coming here I just wanted to be done with things and move on...In fact I distinctly remember  having the conversation with a few friends here when I had said " I have come here to get my masters and not for making friends".....[This might be my natural thought knowing the fact that I am over EMOTIONAL DRAMA person => stay away stay safe]
Now after 3 CEBA class room, my classmates, preparing for the whole day stay on campus, frequent visit to my work place each day, meeting buddies, late night sleep is MY LIFE!!!!
I can proudly accept I may not be the exact same person I was when I left India. It makes me wonder was I always like this or have I transitioned over a period of time....or is it just human "adaptation" taking over me!!!! Each time I iterate through these thoughts I get LOST even more.......
Thinking beyond all this is the reality.... my stay in Baton Rouge is short LIVED...will I enjoy my last semester stay here or will I be more worried about leaving this place soon...I don't know....Or may be I don't  want to move or don't want to think about it.......
For the time being I am just excited about the vacation time in December with my Brother and my MT friends. Hope spending time with them will help me clear up my thoughts......

:-) / :-(